The Bucket
In
all the years I been on a boat,
commercial
fishin' on the ocean afloat,
I
always seemed to find a way to be
what
you might call hygienic - and never use a bucket at sea.
Now
let me explain - my first job was as a crew
on
a Cook Inlet gillnetter - and I was new -
so
I worked hard and kept my mouth shut
when
given all the crappiest jobs, but
of
all this business with work boats and fish
the
hardest thing to stomach was the dish
my
skipper fed me when he said with a smile,
like
he knew just how I'd react all the while:
"There
ain't no toilet on a boat, it's called a 'head.'
We
ain't got one here, so use that there bucket instead."
Now
the container he pointed to was black and thin,
tucked
behind the ladder, it barely had a rim.
I found
out later some guys have a toilet seat
that
they put on their bucket to make it complete.
But
the sketchiest thing was – I mean, what the heck?
I’d
have to use it outside, in the fish-picking well, on the back deck?
Now
everywhere we fished there were always other boats around;
seemed
to me the only privacy was back on solid ground,
or in
the head of another boat that might tie up for a while -
where
I could close a door and do my business in solitary style.
I
was convinced, but didn't show it or say it right out loud,
there was no way I was 'performing' in front of a crowd!
there was no way I was 'performing' in front of a crowd!
So
I held it - sometimes for days
and
I never really relinquished my restricted ways.
When
we were at sea or even anchored up -
didn't
matter for how long - I was one bound-up pup!
My skipper nodded at the bucket and said, "Do you EVER take a sit?"
"Not
on THIS boat!" I shot back, and turned my head and spit.
"Well
how do you go about that when we been fishin' out here for days?"
he
asked, and shook his head at my unnatural ways.
"I
have a strong sphincter," I began... "You see... ah, chuck it!
I'm
telling you I'll never, ever use that stinkin’ bucket!
I
won't have my turds slosh 'round when the weather gets rough
and
slap my port and my starboard as the boat rolls in the trough!
And
what if that flimsy sucker collapses under me
when
I'm sittin' out there emptyin' my scuppers at sea?
I'm
tellin' you, skip, I have a fishhold full of motivation
for
me to maintain this extensive constipation!
And
I intend on holdin' it 'til the season's over and done,
when
I can pull down my raingear and rest my bum
on
a nice, white toilet seat above a clean porcelain bowl -
where
I can properly deposit a civilized roll!"
That
said, we went back to work,
and
though I was full of it, I tried to not be a jerk.
But
I must admit that whenever a boat with a head tied alongside
I'd
start to feel the surge of an outgoing, ebbing tide!
And
when we hit the dock, it was always a lively chase
as off
the boat I'd fly and to the cannery john I'd race!
I know
my skipper, on more than one occasion
wagered a bet or two against me, but the rising sensation
inside
me of impending jet propulsion
always
seemed to result in a positive conclusion.
I
always made it! I'm really not sure how;
but
my sphincter and legs made sure my stern stayed clean somehow.
So I'll
fly my flag high: I'm proud to say I always did duck it,
and never, ever - EVER - used that old black bucket!
------------------------
The Bucket won second place at the Seattle Sea Stories competition in 2010, which makes it my most profitable poem. I can hear some of you saying, "Oh, really? THAT one?" Yep. Go figure.
Last year, I came up with a prose piece, "So You Want to Be a Deckhand", which was received well, but especially so by Cook Inlet gillnetters, which is where the reality behind the writing originated:
So You Want to Be a Deckhand? This
is What You’ll Do:
Before
the season starts, you’ll drive to the cannery every day for two weeks, park
your car in a cloud of dust or a muddy drizzle and climb aboard the boat you’re
deckhanding on. Your skipper may or may not be there yet. The boat is in the
yard, up on barrels, where it spent the winter. The ladder you will use to get
on the boat may or may not be there either. You’ll likely find it lashed to the
cleat of another boat twenty yards away. This ladder will become an important
element in your life for your first weeks of “fishing.“
You’ll
go up and down it at least a dozen times each morning, and twice that in the
afternoon. You’ll go down it to go the carp shop for wood to patch a hole in
the cabin door, for galvanized screws, or to borrow a coping saw from the boat
next door. You’ll go up it when you come back from the machine shop for engine
oil, and you’ll take the old oil back down it in a 5-gallon bucket, trying not
to spill it all over you. You’ll chase down coolant, hydraulic fluid,
transmission fluid, bondo to patch fiberglass, splashzone to patch over snags
under the boat that might catch the net, 5200 to stop leaks. You’ll bring back
zincs, bolts, nuts, washers, lock-washers, cotter pins, fan belts, duct tape,
black tape, plumbers tape, stainless baling wire, and more. You’ll be sent back
when the bolt is too short. You’ll be sent back again when it’s too long.
While
you’re doing all this, you’ll be getting to know the carpenter, the port
engineers, the beach gang, the machinists. There’ll be at least one guy who
will be outright unfriendly and mean. He’ll be the one who’ll ignore you when
you need him, and ridicule your ignorance of the way things work. He’ll send you
back to the boat empty-handed, asking the skipper if he wants to borrow the
left-or-the-right-handed grease gun. You’ll learn to hate going on errands
where he works.
You’ll
go down the ladder on your way to the company store for your deckhand’s license,
soda to bring back to the boat, and an ice-cream sandwich on the single hot day
without a cold wind that will have you remembering what summer used to be like.
You’ll go down the ladder to duct tape a hose to the sea-water intake valve so
the pump doesn’t burn up while the skipper runs the engine. You’ll go back up
again because you can’t hear what the skipper is yelling from the engine room,
then go back down again to turn off the water pressure. You’ll run to the port
engineers’ shop to get electrical fittings, solder, butt-end connectors, and
silicone to seal them with to keep the salt air from corroding the wires.
You’ll haul tools up the ladder from your skipper’s pick-up, sometimes carrying
boxes in both hands as you climb, balancing on the balls of your feet. You’ll
haul up sleeping bags, raingear, boots and electronics until your feet and legs
ache. You’ll memorize where the missing rung on the ladder is, and you’ll vow
to fix it when you get time. You’ll never get that time.
You’ll
be sent to the skipper’s locker in the old web loft to gather up buoys,
survival suits, a worn block of paraffin wax, some black paint, and old brushes
wrapped in aluminum foil. You’ll wax the survival suit zippers with the
paraffin. You’ll paint the boat name and license number on the buoys. You’ll
have to go to the carpenter’s shop to get paint thinner to clean the brushes,
and to the store again for more aluminum foil...and another ice-cream sandwich.
You’ll
be sent to town for the stainless screws and clips the cannery doesn’t stock;
while you’re there, you’ll be asked to pick up some beer, some burgers and
fries, or maybe some pizza. When you come back, your skipper will be nowhere to
be found. He’ll be BS’ing with some other fishermen who just came in that afternoon.
You’ll be expected to find something to do. Cleaning the cabin is always a good
idea. Don’t put anything away. Just straighten. Clean the windows. Get some
water in a bucket from a spigot nearby and wash the dishes.
You’ll
learn to budget your errands so you’re near the mess hall when the mug-up
whistle blows. Homemade cinnamon rolls and muffins in the morning, pies and
cake in the afternoon. And always fresh-brewed coffee, hot chocolate and juice
for the kids. Mug-up is where you’ll learn to keep your mouth shut and listen.
The fishermen will talk about their boats, their nets, who’s working with whom,
the upcoming season, the price of fish. You’ll hear terms like monofilament,
Grundens, Uroko, dog gear, hynautics and flying bridge. With any luck you’ll
start putting them in context and figuring out what they mean. But everyone
will agree - mug-up always is too short.
You’ll
learn that fishing nets are called shackles, and in Cook Inlet each boat fishes
three of them clipped and sometimes sewn together. You’ll load them on a
four-wheeled cart and pull them out of the warehouse, coiled in nylon or canvas
net bags, where you’ll load them into your skipper’s truck. You’ll drive them
to the back of the boat and open them one-by-one and clip the ends to a piece
of line - not rope. Never rope on a boat - a piece of line coming off the
reel. You’ll stand in the truck
and feed the net out of the bag and up over the stern of the boat and onto the
reel. The reel is powered by a bit of magic called hydraulics, and while the
boat is running, your skipper can make the reel turn by stepping on a treadle
board near it. As the net comes on board, he will guide the web, the corks and
the heavy line called a lead line onto the reel in a neat package, taking care
not to cross the lines over each other. This is hugely important. Your skipper
will impress upon you how important it is not to cross the lines. Remember
this.
You’ll
start to wish you had a truck.
There’ll
be at least one guy (if you’re lucky), who’ll take to you. He’ll joke with you
and tell you what a garboard plank or corking is. He’ll tell you who to avoid,
and whom to seek out. And he’ll always be good for a warm chair beside the wood
stove on a blustery spring day, and a fresh cup of coffee at mug-up. Whenever
you get the chance, take him a cinnamon roll, or an extra burger and fries. Or
better yet, show up at his shop before he closes the door at 5:00 o’clock with
a bottle of Jack.
By
now you’ve been fishing for two, maybe three weeks. Your skipper will keep
talking about “when we finally get wet.” You haven’t been paid a dime -
remember, you’re paid by the percentage of the fish you catch, and you haven’t
even seen a fish. You’ll swear as you knock a Philips screwdriver off the cabin
to land on the gravel below while you put up an antenna in the cold drizzle.
One more trip down that damned ladder and back up again. By the time the boat
is launched, you’ll hate that ladder.
Welcome
to fishing.
-------------------------
And this year, after much struggle to find SOMEthing to fill up the page, I looked out my window the other morning to a scene of thick fog, and finally put something down. Here it is:
Spiderweb
There’s been no snow to speak of
this year,
and the fog drifts in most days
after dark,
reluctant to leave until late the
next morning.
We spend our early hours inside
low-slung clouds
that draw the landscape in
sketchbook gray.
Fog on land is unlike fog when
you’re afloat:
it’s a muffled calm in these damp
woods
that obscures the scene above the
muddy ground.
The mystery it carries in its
arms enhances:
sounds you know but can’t quite
locate;
shapes you question, then
recognize.
*
On a drift at sea, the fog
is a mask the world hides behind;
a wall between you and the
horizon,
disaster flirting behind curtains
of mist,
every sound amplified,
every splash suspect.
Sandwiched between green radar
and red compass
is the hollow in your chest where
nothing is quite right -
the world’s edge hangs off
the bow,
and you should turn the
wheel before it's too late.
You are lost and out of breath on
that sea inside you,
a colorless shadow towing a
net inside a shroud.
Your vessel rolls and the sounds
distort,
a boat passing by, its engine too
close, too loud
- going too
fast -
never materializes, and the noise
fades into the dream.
*
You sigh and watch the corks bounce
on the chop
as they disappear into
fingers of mist.
A wave slaps the stern and
reminds you
you have two choices when the fog
creeps in:
pull the gear and limp off,
hoping you’ll steer clear of the
spiderweb
of nets lacing the sea around
you,
or wait, not knowing if the gear
has fish in it,
not willing to check.
Because if it doesn’t,
you have to move,
and if it does,
you have to stay.